I never believed people when they said Junior Year was the most difficult year of high school. I thought everyone was exaggerating and I could make it work where I would still get more than 8 hours of sleep a night, go out like usual, and do other things I did in the past. I’m stressed. I told myself I would never say that sentence until after high school, because high school is the first and easiest step leading up to my future. I’m lucky if I can squeeze in 5 hours of sleep every night, aside from those lucky days I get 3 hours of sleep, then I wake up an hour early than the usual to study for a quiz or test that day. Also, I spend my Friday’s doing homework now. Freshman and Sophomore Year I went out to eat or go watch movies with my friends every Friday… Now all of us are stuck at home doing assignments. I like my schedule and classes, but not the work given. I have the nicest English teacher, but she’s the hardest grader. I realized recently that you can’t have the best of both worlds. English has always been my strongest subject until this year. My teacher gave me an 82 on my Summer assignment that was A+ material, she didn’t even give me an explanation on why I got that either. I hate people. End of today’s story.
“If you don’t let others know about your secrets, they will judge you. If you do let others know about your secrets, they will judge you. So what’s the difference between telling others your secrets and not telling others your secret? You still get the same results anyway. The difference is…
Plans for the next two years. (Beginning of Junior year to end of Senior year)
Not in order.
-Work more than 500 hours at the hospital.
-Get more than 800 community service hours in total.
-Get a real job to get some money for college and also gain the idea of being somewhat “independent.”
-Get at least $15,000 of scholarship money. (Not including what my future college gives me) Including Mu Alpha Theta scholarship and VVDV scholarship.
-Get an acceptance letter from The University of Houston, The University of Texas, and Baylor. I will have options. (Mainly Baylor)
-Run for class officer Senior year to do a speech at graduation.
-Score 2000+ on my SAT.
-Get my Pharm-Tech license Senior year.
-Go to Roxy on my 18th birthday.
-Get my belly button pierced.
-Create an FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) club at my school.
-Rent a beach house for after prom.
-Mend my relationship with some friends lost.
That’s all I can think of right now… I’m positive this isn’t even 1/4 of it.
This is the first time in months since I’ve cried. I’m frustrated, stressed, and vulnerable all at once right now. I know someone is going to tell me I’m just oblivious of all the good things I have right now and I’m just expecting too much, but I’m stressing out like crazy during the fucking Summer. My family won’t get off my case. I just want to cry every single minute I’m awake. I’ve been sleeping for more than 10 hours a night, and napping midday the past week. As bad as it is, I feel like sleeping is a way of escaping from all these negative vibes. Maybe it’s just my fault though… Summer is coming to an end and everything is building up on me and I’m sending off an attitude towards the people around me.. That’s why I’m being treated the way I am? Maybe.
Once I get to know them better I start to say insults and rude comments because I know they’ll put up with me. I know they won’t get mad or angry because they know i’m joking. I’d never be intentionally mean to someone I don’t know.
“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being able to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”—Carl Jung (via anjelcakes)
I’m a really nice person, I show respect towards everyone. Sometimes, I let people step over me. I care about others more than myself. I even get bitched at if I don’t please them. I don’t say anything back, I just remain silent. Just because I’m nice and quiet doesn’t mean…